italy (at least what i remember of it)

well, after traveling with these girls for about 4 months, i decided that i should have my own blog. i didn´t even think it was worth it initially because most of what i saw was the darkness within annette´s smelly backpack. but she has been bringing me out more, so i guess i can share my experiences with those out there who care to listen.

we spent about a week in le cinque terre in italy and i saw a lot while i was there. more than i will be able to talk about, simply because i am scared of what they will do to me if i spill the beans. but i can share with you one night that starts out pleasant enough, but really becomes quite hazy. the hedonistic, diablolical girls introduced me to alcohol again by just leaving it lying around (i have been sober for thr past 160 years), but the pressure was killing me. seriously, spending so much
time with them requires some kind of escape. so please don´t judge me. i wouldn´t judge you.

i started my morning innocently enough, preparing a nice cup of espresso before i ventured out on the hiking trails of le cinque terre. i like my coffee black because it keeps that hair on my beard nice and bristly.

after coming back from my walk, i was famished so i decided to whip up a delicious pasta dish. i love to cook and considering that i had not eaten in months (damn girls!), i really needed something in my belly. one of the cooks in the house, paul, bought a cookbook for his mom so i decided to peruse it and see what i could put together.

i found a recipe for a delicious bolognese sauce, but it required a touch of basil, so i decided to pick a few leaves from the plant lying around the house.


while the food was cooking, paul invited me to play an italian card game called briscola. i figured what the heck; i am always down to play a card game and relax a bit so i accepted his offer.

sadly, i was soon to regret my choice because paul turned out to be one of the most competitive people i have ever met. each time he won, he would slam down the card roughly and yell "BRISCOLA!". what an ass.

as you can imagine, such rudeness can put a lot of stress on a small gnome like me. that, combined with the fact that my meat sauce burned because i wasn´t allowed to leave the table until the game was over, led me to seek comfort somewhere. i was going to just go for a walk to cool off a bit, but instead i saw a tall grappa bottle in my way. my intention was to just move it, but the sweet, pungent smell of rotting grapes filled my nostrils, and i had no choice. what am i supposed to do?!? i have a disease!

i figured just one sip would do the trick, but sadly one sip led to 10 sips and then the grappa was done. but i needed more!!! i had to go for the bottle of wine and then the other and the other and...

then darkness...somehow i awoke the next morning in a pile of my own sick without a friend to help me at all...but i swear that is the last of the drinking. i will never, ever drink the devil´s brew again. never! i swear!